Beyond Awareness: From Care to Friendship
Last month we explored the first two stages of changing attitudes toward disability: Ignorance and Compassion. Both can limit belonging—whether through avoidance or pity. But as God reshapes our hearts, compassion begins to mature into action.
That brings us to Stages 3 and 4: Care and Friendship.
Stage 3: Care
Care is a step forward. Here, people recognize the God-given value of people with disabilities and begin to act on it.
Knowledge/Thoughts: “People with disabilities were created in God’s image, just like me.”
Beliefs: “Because of that alone, they have value.”
Attitudes: Desire to show kindness, even if unsure how.
Actions/Words: Supporting programs for people with disabilities - like special Sunday School classes, feeding programs, or charitable services.
Care is often expressed through charity or service. This is good and necessary - but it can unintentionally keep people at a distance.
adapted & with permission from Wheaton Center for Faith and Disability, originally developed by Dan Vander Plaats, with thanks to Elim Christian Services, Disability Concerns CRC and RCA, Engaging Disability, Joni and Friends, and Wheaton College, 2009
Stage 4: Friendship
Friendship takes care a step further. It moves beyond doing for to living with.
Knowledge/Thoughts: “I learn from my friend with a disability.”
Beliefs: “Their life adds value to mine and to our community.”
Attitudes: Finding comfort and love in the relationship.Actions/Words: Initiating friendship, inviting into daily life, including in leadership, work, and ministry.
Friendship transforms everyone involved. As much as we help, we also receive. In God’s design, friendship is mutual.
Why Friendship Matters
Jesus said, “I no longer call you servants… Instead, I have called you friends” (John 15:15). Friendship is God’s posture toward us - and it is the posture we’re called to show others.
When we move toward friendship with people with disabilities, we begin to reflect the heart of Christ. Friendship is where mutual dignity, joy, and belonging take root.
Practical Ways to Grow from Care to Friendship
Learn from - not just about. Instead of reading another book about disability, read a book by or invite a conversation with someone living it.
Share everyday life. Invite a person with a disability into your home, small group, or on a coffee date.
Look for leadership. Instead of planning an event for people with disabilities, ask: how can they help lead it?
Practice reciprocity. Ask yourself: what can I receive from this friendship?
Reflection & Prayer
Am I engaging people with disabilities only through programs, or am I pursuing friendships?
What might God want to teach me through a new friend who lives with a disability?
How can my church or community shift from care that separates to friendship that unites?
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:10)
Keep reading… In December, we’ll close this series with Stage 5: Co-Laborers—exploring how we work with one another as equal partners in God’s Kingdom.
